I’ve really been stuck inside of my head (& heart) this week as we approach tomorrow’s 2nd anniversary of losing Dad to cancer. 💔
At times, I still feel frozen in limbo, in that place of disbelief that he’s really gone and that any of the events of the past two years actually transpired. That it’s still a nightmare I will awaken from, rather than a reality that has become our family’s “new normal”.
In many ways, the grief is still very raw, catching me in moments unexpectedly, with tears instantaneous, and my heart caught in my throat when I mention his name.
In many ways, I feel as though I haven’t really dealt with the loss at all, and instead have buried it deep within the cracks inside my heart.
But friend, there have been SO many bright moments too.
Continued memories shared with our kids about Grandpa’s antics and favorite stories.
Chuckles about his unique quirks and sense of humor.
Recalling his good advice as I work on a project, especially when I’m using one of the beloved tools I inherited from his collection. (His cell phone number is still on speed dial on my phone, because do you ever stop needing/wanting your dad’s advice?)
I’m holding tight to the love he gave so freely every day of his life, and to the deep belief he always had in me...particularly on those days when I struggle to believe it myself.
I will never, ever stop loving or missing my Dad...but I’m realizing it’s ok (and GOOD) to feel more joy than sadness when I think of him.
So this week, I’m diffusing the heck out of one of my new favorite oils, and it’s really helped me to release some of the grief...to smile & breathe in the peace that has been a LONG time coming.
It feels RIGHT because my heart is ready...and I like to think that Dad is smiling right along with me.